The Georgia Review is now taking submissions for a planned special feature, “A Devil’s Dictionary for the Twenty-First Century”—an update of sorts of Ambrose Bierce’s brilliant satirical work The Devil’s Dictionary, published just about one hundred years ago. Taking Bierce as a model, all writers are invited to send one or two original dictionary entries—maximum length, two hundred words each—for publication consideration; those writers who include with their submission a paid order for a new, renewed, or gift subscription to The Georgia Review ($30) may send up to six dictionary entries. All entries will be considered for publication in our pages and/or on our website. All accepted authors will receive an honorarium and also will be eligible to receive “The Devil’s Due” in the amount of $500 for first place, $150 for second, and $100 for third. Please write "Devil's Dictionary" on the submission envelope. The postmark deadline is 30 June 2009, with no electronic submissions accepted and no reply absent a stamped, self-addressed return envelope.
A few representative entries from Bierce's Devil's Dictionary:
Apologize, v. i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.
Bigot, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Defame, v. t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.
Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
liberty, n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
Novel, n. A short story padded . . .
peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.
and, of course,
Editor, n. . . . a severely virtuous censor, but so charitable withal that he tolerates the virtues of others and the vices of himself; who flings about him the splintering lightning and sturdy thunders of admonition till he resembles a bunch of firecrackers petulantly uttering its mind at the tail of a dog; then straightway murmurs a mild, melodious lay, soft as the cooing of a donkey intoning its prayer to the evening star . . .
A few representative entries from Bierce's Devil's Dictionary:
Apologize, v. i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.
Bigot, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Defame, v. t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.
Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
liberty, n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
Novel, n. A short story padded . . .
peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.
and, of course,
Editor, n. . . . a severely virtuous censor, but so charitable withal that he tolerates the virtues of others and the vices of himself; who flings about him the splintering lightning and sturdy thunders of admonition till he resembles a bunch of firecrackers petulantly uttering its mind at the tail of a dog; then straightway murmurs a mild, melodious lay, soft as the cooing of a donkey intoning its prayer to the evening star . . .
All submissions and queries
should be sent to:
The Georgia Review
"Devil's Dictionary"
The University of Georgia
Athens, GA 30602-9009
1 (800) 542-3481
(706) 542-3481
garev@uga.edu
fax (706-542-0047)
website: The Georgia Review
8 COMMENTS:
I particularly like the definitions for apologize and defame. I like them all, really.
I know several people who occasionally visit this blog who could easily write and submit a qualifying entry to the Devil's lexicon. I hope you give it a try and perhaps sample a few by posting them here as a comment. :)
It would be a tall order to top A.B. Voltaire created something similar in the 18th Century. Both of them are highly enjoyable reads here in the 'best possible of all worlds.' I might have a bash at this though, after the scotch starts to flow.
Bring on the scotch!!!!
p.s.: "Voltaire created something similar in the 18th Century."
Mr. Scott--(and pardon me Dana for sayin' this to your boy)--keep talking dirty like that and I'll have to fine you! You know the effect factoids such as the one above have on a girl like me. From here on out demonstrating a keen intellect and mentioning Voltaire in the same comment is strictly forbidden. ;)
I gotta be me no matter wot!
Yer my pal so you gotta read ZADIG, the follow up to Candide. All anybody needs is some Bushmills, a bottle neck slide, crappy guitar, and the teachings of Brother Duane Allman
civilisation (n) a structure or foundation of existence that tolerates and encourages vicious, underhanded raping of the planet's resources and gaping gaps between those who starve and those who possess way too much.
That's all I could think of...I wish I was funny but I don't have that kind of wit. I suppose I'm influenced a lot by 'survival acres', I read his blog everyday!
Boat (n) A hole that floats on the water down which the wealthy pour money and sun screen.
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